Producing can be hard so your artistic vision has to be stronger

You have to fail in the beginning projects to earn the dream team on future projects. Each experience teaches me so much for the next one.

I'm currently deep in pre-production on my next short film, submitting my last short film to festivals, and received the QC green light from our distributor for my first feature film. It’s not come without challenges, not to mention continuing forward when it feels like the late-stage capitalistic oligarchy world is bulldozing what is left of our artistry and flow as we speak. Despite that, we march onward.

It’s been tough to find the time to write posts beyond “The Mercy Cage”. I’ve produced at least 1 film projects every six months for the last few years, in addition to performing with my band, and running a company full-time. With that, time is precious, I focus on what immediately needs to be done, but also try to take time from my artistry.

This weekend was my partner’s birthday, so I flew to Atlanta to be with him. While he’s been in rehearsals and shows, I’ve been on hours of meetings, sending emails for more funding, researching permits, playing with the budget and confirming crew. I left my laptop in the hotel room today and went on a long walk through the Krog Market, and had some time to reflect on the challenges of this week.

I am very careful to surround myself with people that contribute generous energy, willing to collaborate, and have a respect and openness for the process and others ideas. Each time I produce, I learn better questions to ask, how to conduct finding a team and set, and bring all the experiences together to hopefully create something powerful. When I got off our calls yesterday, I was floored by the unbelievable team we put together. Each meeting has been so inspiring, and watching everyone pour their hearts and souls into this project, because like me, they feel this deep calling to get this story out there, and spend many extra hours outside of what they will ultimately be paid (yay low budget Indies) to make the strongest film we possibly could make. I tear up even writing this, and teared up today thinking about it.

I always cry at some point during the producing process, because we need a different insurance, or didn’t think of a certain aspect that will now cost more money, lost a dream cast member, etc. Every time I think I have planned for the worst, something inevitably happens, but it always comes together. I drink wine, cry it out, and pull up my boot straps and figure out how to solve it. Years of owning a company, years of working out at the gym, and years of recovery after surgery have built a resilience that serves me on the days producing is hard and I want to throw in the towel and never make a film again.

Each day, I am balancing the day to day needs with the long-term vision of where this goes and how we get there. Because I’m crazy, I will pour myself over making sure we get to where we need to go, and I will not stop until we’ve crossed there.

Why?

Also, what the hell film are you talking about Makayla?

The current film I am producing is a short film, Echo.

*Trigger warning: the rest of this post deals with eating disorders.*

Echo follows Lana, who, isolated and in the throes of a deadly eating disorder, is confronted with the life-altering reality of a positive pregnancy test. This film aims to give a voice to those suffering in silence, inspire conversations, and be a bridge to recovery. While Echo is a stand-alone short, it is also part of a larger universe we are developing into a feature film.

Seven years ago, I finally went to recovery for an eating disorder that was ruining my life and killing me. Going to recovery once did not keep me from relapsing, but eventually with the support of those around me, and no longer suffering in silence, I came out on the other side. While I am the strongest version of myself, I will never get the years back of my life that I wasted with every second of time obsessed with how I could control how little food I ate, or my head in a toilet. I had never felt more alone in my life, and more like something was driving the entire ship of my life.

Without recovery, I would not be here. I can say that confidently. In the moments where producing is difficult, I remind myself that I am lucky to be alive, lucky to have problems, lucky to have the most incredible team ever, and lucky to create something that can help little Makayla. This is the film that little Makayla needed when she was going through the thick and throws of ED, and recovery. It’s the first script that I have read about an ED, and thought, “Wow. this sees me. This is exactly what I felt like.” That I wasn’t alone.

We are partnering with The Looking Glass in BC to bring awareness to this film, as well as my clinic, the Hull Institute to screen later this year. With both screenings, we will have therapists at the screenings for a Q&A and to We hope to play festivals, and have conversations of hope and help. Each step of the film, when Megan and Roxanne came to me, has been planned with - how do we make sure people actually see this?

At our fundraiser with The Looking Glass, so many people opened up to us about their struggles with eating disorders. People have reached out to us on IG with how much we have posted and asked where they could get help. People have already reached out to The Looking Glass for help.

Every 52 minutes, someone dies from an eating disorder.

That statistic is a post-it note. That could have been me. That could be anyone we love.

Your artistic vision and need to make the film has to be so strong, that when challenges rock and flip your world upside down, you know why you are standing back up and putting one foot in front of the other.

Those are the films you make. (And hey - making people laugh is needed more than ever. Or entertained. They still need a why behind them on the hard days). The world needs you to stay committed to your vision. To not give up when it gets hard. Who knows? Your film might save a life.

XO M

PS - We go into production March 14-16, 2025. If you feel moved to be a part of this, you can support in a few ways. We are stilling aiming to raise about $6k to cover all of our production expenses. You can donate at our seed and spark here, etransfer sirenofthepacificproductions@gmail.com or venmo sirenofthepacificproductions

Don’t have funds? That’s ok! Seed & Spark gives rewards to filmmakers by gaining followers, so please follow our campaign!

Finally, please share on social media. You never know who in your life might be struggling.

PPS - Shredded the Film officially passed QC, and our distributor is pitching now to streamers, etc. We can’t wait to share release news soon!